Hyphens Get a Bitch-Slap

Well, there it goes. Hyphens have been bitch-slapped by the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary.

"People are not confident about using hyphens anymore, they're not really sure what they are for," said Angus Stevenson, editor of the Shorter OED.

(Shall we address sweet Angus' grammar now or later?)

Oh goody!

People are poorly educated so let us enable that by dropping parts of the English language to accommodate them and enable their ignorance.

Not sure why a hyphen is used?

Look it up.

If you have time to play around on MySpace, Facebook, and Friendster and send text messages to your friends, surely you can allot some of that precious time to master the language you claim to speak, yes?

Another factor in the hyphen's demise is designers' distaste for its ungainly horizontal bulk between words...

Sooooo, what you're saying is that the hyphen is not "pretty enough"? Really? Should all things that are simply less pleasing to the eye be tossed away and disregarded?

There goes Rush Limbaugh!

*waives maniacally at Rushie-Poo*

Ba-bye, Rush!

I mean, he fits the reasoning. All of it. He is bulky and displeasing to the eye and I long ago lost confidence in him and still have no idea what purpose he serves in society other than being a study on "what not to do".

And what about Poor Britney Spears?

She now fits into this category. Shall we do away with her?

What about the people's lives who will be affected by the discarding of the hyphen, Rush and Britney?

Rush's maid needs the money he gives her for those drugs.

Perez Hilton would be bored beyond tears without Britney (though her children would likely be better off).

And my name has a hyphen, dammit.

This OED step is surely just a foreshadowing of the complete elimination of the hyphen in modern society.

My name will be changed forever!

(Thanks, Mom! I told you that hyphen was obnoxious!)

Angus does go on to say that, "There are places where a hyphen is necessary. Because you can certainly start to get real ambiguity."

He then used this example:

"Twenty-odd people came to the party", he said. "Or was it twenty odd people?"

And that made me smile.

You're pretty funny, Angus.