WWJD at a Singles Mixer?

Last night I attended what can only be described as a "singles mixer".

I am not exactly sure why I went, as I am not really "looking" and am pretty shy when I am out of my element. However, I have been told I need to "get out there". I am not sure that I agree with that.

Raquel knows everyone. EVERYONE! She is St. Louis' answer to Anywho.com. So she is in the know about events and people in this cute little town. She knew about this little "party" and so of course she let us know too.

Now, the party invitation did describe the environment to be "single, professional Christian/Catholic/Spiritual men and women typically in their 30ishes and 40ishes."

This raised my eyebrow.

Although I did my time in Catholic school, I was now a non-practitioner. I could talk the talk, but seriously, I hate the bullshit.

My own beliefs had evolved beginning when I was 13 and the exact moment that I received the "Religion Honors Award" at my eighth grade Catholic school graduation ceremony.

I think it was my mom's fainting accompanied by various family members' gasps and confused looks as they shrugged at each other that did the trick.

I am spiritual, but having lived in this town for 11+ years, I was used to the idea of "spiritual" not including my beliefs in the philosophy of the Four Noble Truths or the Eightfold Path. I do not subscribe to organized religion. I don't try to get anyone else to believe as I do and have always had my neck hairs raise a bit when people use their religion for personal labeling.

I don't like cramming people into a box. I know some great Christians and I know a few 7-Layer-Loser Christians. I know some great non-religious people and I know some completely awful, non-religious humans.

Admittedly, I am always on guard with people who use their religion like a merit badge. Religion is not the effing Boy Scouts of America. If you need to be patted on the back for believing in a higher power, then you are likely full of shit, using religion as a crutch, and should have a s'mores rammed up your ass for good measure.

If I haven't spoken to you about it but still know for a fact what your religious beliefs are, I will make a mental mark against you. Your beliefs should be personal, not an exploited detail on your résumé of life.

Christians here know Christianity (just ask them!) and many here do not even acknowledge that Catholicism is a branch of Christianity and segregate them to the "naughty table".

They do know about The Twelve Steps here, but not so much the Eightfold Path. Nor do they realize how my beliefs can be (if one chooses to do so) incorporated into their own belief structure, so I was at a loss about this particular party detail.

Luckily, us sinners were meeting at Raquel's for cocktails first. We really should have just stayed there.

Raquel, Skye, Kelly (token male) and I arrive at the party house and although we somewhat coordinated what we were wearing (not Kelly) so that we would blend better, it was as if they could see the sin radiating off of us.

Dammit!

It was as if they just KNEW that the last people we had sex with were not our ex-husbands. Jeezus! I barely had sex with my ex-husband when he was my husband!

We had dressed conservatively. I mean, no turtleneck sweaters, but we had left our padded bras at home as to not invoke a bitchslap from the Holy Ghost.

We made our rounds and at some point I find myself in a discussion with a very sweet man. He is very tall with salt & pepper hair. No chemistry, but very sweet. He is telling me of his interests and he has good manners. He lets me know that he is "exceptionally conservative" (uh-oh!) and a CPA (well, now that explains it) and although he is a corporate slave, it has afforded him much financial success. He then tells me a story about how he is afraid of bugs and slept with the lights on while on a trip with a male travel buddy.

All I think to myself is "billable hours".

I will later find out that he is a youth camp minister.

*scratches head*

Now either he thought I really needed "saving", or drew the short straw with the other Christians and therefore had to come talk to me, or is just one of those super nice humans who really enjoys human interaction. Now, because he never once mentioned his beliefs to me, I can dig him. Not in "that way" but I would hang out with him in a group again. As long as he never again mentions his financial success to me.

Many of the other people were too scared to speak to us. Even Skye who can talk to anyone is at a loss!

Naturally, we end up in the sun room where conveniently the beverages and the music are stored and Skye takes over as DJ.

She digs through a box of CDs (yes...CDs) looking for some up-tempo music so we can "feel the spirit".

*snickers*

She of course selected Prince.

The Bible Coalition is watching us dance through the glass as if we are exhibits at the zoo. They are fascinated by us. Seriously, there was no pelvic gyration or grinding up against anyone. We were really doing more of the overly Caucasian 80s dance thing, so maybe that was it.

Upon realizing we are at a loss and surrounded by some people who were living the whole "Footloose" experience, Skye promptly puts on some Eminem and we bolt, like the sinning juveniles we so clearly are.