Permission Not Granted: An Open Letter to a Cheater

You didn't grant me permission.

I know.

You didn't tell me that I could.

I know.

Guess what?

I don't need your permission.

I don't need you to tell me that it is OK to for me to feel as I do.

I don't need you to tell me that I am allowed to disagree with your behavior.

I just am.

You don't have to agree with me or how I feel. But why do I need your permission to express myself in my personal space?

I didn't go to your space.

I didn't go to someone else's space.

I came to my own space and put into words how I feel.

If you expect me to apologize that my opinion hurts you, you are nuts.

It is my opinion.

I did not hide it from you.

I did not sneak around behind your back.

I spoke to you directly about it. You and I.

I did not lie.

I did not ask anyone to believe as I do.

I am sorry that you are not open minded enough to consider that some people will not agree with you and your actions.

People disagree with me all the time.

So what?

You hurt me. You lied to me. Personally.

If you are now offended that I reported it, don't do it. Because you sure as shit take pleasure when it is someone else at the receiving end. And you sure as shit take pleasure when people give it back to me.

I personally watched you waiting for me to pounce on someone for your own
personal thrill.

It must have killed you when I didn't.

It must have killed you that I simply went directly to them.

You wanted me to say what I did. You told me you did. You said you were too weak. You were simply naive to think that you would come out unscathed.

Why should you?

I didn't.

I knew I wouldn't.

It was a decision that I owned.

You got hurt.

Your pain was your karma.

I kept a few people from getting hurt.

Their thanks was mine.

Be angry, but pay attention.

I just protected others the way that I had protected you.

This is how people stand up for what they believe in.

This is how people stop the cycle.

Sure as shit you'll never fuck with me again, now will you? You should have listened when I told you not to fuck with me. I am not you. I do not allow people to use me like a doormat.

It should make you angry.

It should make you angry that what I say is true.

If you don't like the truth, change it.

If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. Right?

Well, you fell. Hard. Repeatedly.

You're down now. Are you going to stay there or are you going to get up?

Are you going to run to the safety of those who will enable the same cycle you have lived in for years with their delicious, red and beautiful poisonous apples of comfort?

Or listen to the inner self who cried out that it wanted change?

It doesn't matter if I believe you to be wrong.

It matters only that you know that you are.

Cougarnevawanabe

Holy shit!

My former assistant just emailed me.

Said he "heard" I was being a bit of a cougar these days...

J, I'm just gonna say that you are lucky we're tight and that we've talked some crazy shit over sushi and that you smell good and are pretty, my friend! lol

I am not now nor will I ever be a fucking Cougar!

1. Cougar: An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf.
   


2. Cougar: An older woman trying way too hard to look young. Usually heavy makeup and way too tan, sometimes orange. Generally has leathery, smoking damaged skin, short skirt, and may have obvious breast implants.
   


3. Cougar: (see also hunt, prowl, corner, pounce). Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. "Man is cougar's number one prey".
   

It goes on...

Holy shit...holy shit...holy shit!

I know some of these "cougars" you speak of, J!

If I am EVER one of them, please run me over repeatedly with a 2nd generation Hummer!

I dabbled in the young guy thing ONE time...and he was only 5 years younger for hell's sake...
He may have acted 12, but he was 29!!!!!

He owned a house and got the age discount on his car insurance!

I also learned from that and Det. Wookie Bush that under 30 is too young and that over 50 is too sad...for ME!

I realize I am no kitten...

But I am a perhaps a well behaved in the peak of her life cat who is playful and shits when and where it is appropriate. A 5 year old Applehead Siamese, if you will...