The Sucking Suckiness that is Me

I was feeling pretty happy and in a silly mood when I received the email.

I started off not being angry, but as I thought about what was actually being said to me, I got downright pissed.

It made me think of a few people actually...

Without going into details, let me say this...

If you are an alleged friend of mine, you better think long and hard before sending me an email, text, or whatever about how left out you feel because I haven't been available to you...even when I thought I would be.

I refuse to apologize that on a group ride (which was really a non-race) in below freezing temperatures, that I rode at a pace that kept my body warm a week before major surgery. (Why the fuck would I freeze for you or anyone else? Are you going to pay my medical bills? Are you going to give me a fucking lung when I contract pneumonia?)

Why not? What's the matter? We're not that tight?

hmmmm...

I refuse to apologize.

I am NOT fucking fast.

The times in question where times of extraordinary physical pain for me, so you know what, fuck off if you couldn't keep up with me. I didn't keep up with the other female who I agreed to ride with and I assure you I didn't think twice about it. It never crossed my mind to make her feel like shit for riding faster than me. (Penelope Cruz on the cross...it was a fucking "race" for crying out loud!) I know I said we were going to take it easy, but I signed no agreement to freeze.

The second ride in question had a remarkable average of sub-14 MPH. Dropped you? Where? Where was this alleged dropping? Can you actually drop someone at 14 MPH? (13.8 to be exact.)

Frankly, this isn't about one person. It is about a few. The few who want to put the appearance out there that they are your friend, but then beat you down or abandon you when friends should be readily available.

I know who came to the hospital.

I know who cooked me meals.

I know who called.

I know who sat with me.

I know who gave a shit.

Some of you think I am fucking invincible.

That I can recover and rebound no matter what...

I can...but it takes longer when the people you thought were your friends bitchslap you for not paying them attention while they were not paying you attention.

Wouldn't it be a wash?

Would it not be even if both parties simply ignored or failed the other?

I'm not going to do this.

I am not going to play this stupid vagina, high school game of boo-fucking-hoo.

I didn't grow up here and am not down with the bullshit.

I don't give a shit if you make me the Evil Vagina of St. Louis, but keep that nonsense to yourself or start a Facebook group or something. Just keep that drama away from me.

There are very few females I can hang with, and they are generally pretty confident in who they are and what they are. That is why I typically hang with dudes and always have. (Don't get me wrong, dudes have drama...it's just different drama.)

Don't make your issues my issues. I have my own.

If you are someone whose itty bitty wittle feelings I have somehow trampled on by being completely self-absorbed with my own shit, I am truly sorry.

I will not promise that it will not happen again because frankly my shit is more important than your shit (unless you can provide me some evidence that I should care more about you than myself, my children, my S.O., and my dog.).

You want this to be a contest?

I assure you, I will win. Other than your generally crappy and attacking attitude, your life is pretty simple. Embrace it...and stay away from people like me. We will call you out and make you feel childish.

I am the type of person who generally would do anything for my friends. If you don't feel this is the case, perhaps there is a reason. Perhaps things between you and the general public are not as one-sided as you have convinced yourself.

You better ask yourself some important questions about yourself before you start flinging poo this way, because if you force me to open your eyes, you will not find the experience pleasant.

The ball is now in your court.

Self awareness or head back in the sand? You decide.

*Please do not send me emails asking if this blog is about you. Only you can answer that question. Please do not ask other people if this blog is about you. Only you can answer that question. If you find yourself asking yourself if this blog is about you, it likely is. Deal with it...if you have that skill. I'm all tapped out, so I have none to lend out.

Peace, love and bikes to all...especially to all the really left out people in the world whom I have neglected.

PS: Thank you for ruining my martini buzz with your selfish stupidity which you have apparently harbored for quite some time. Two giant thumbs up on your communication skills. I meant to ask you how that was working out for you...?