I woke up that morning cramped up and feeling particularly unsexy.No better time to drive out to O'Fallon, MO and race.
The sun was shining and the day felt calm.
It was exactly the greeting that I needed to keep my car from U-turning and heading back home to the warmth and comfort of my glorious bed and man racer.
Everything ran smoothly.
Jay switched out my wheels so that Trent would finally get to ride on both 404s...
(I will later wish that I had practiced cornering with the 404 in the front.)
Ehhhh...it is what it is.
As we awaited the Juniors race to complete, Kate, Alice and I discussed/decided who would win our race.
I know in your mind the obvious choice is ME (this is where you nod your head in agreement instead of falling off your chair piddling your pants in a wild fit of uncontrollable laughter, dammit!), but since the winner was awarded beer (which I hate) and my only goal for this race was to not die, it seemed clear that today would not be my day.
PLUS, if I am going to do well in a race, there are just certain people who I want there racing with me. Some of them weren't there.
Ehhhh-hemmmmm!
"We" had recently decided/agreed that I would only race crits. No road races or MTB races. "Maybe" a time trial now and then. No stage races. This is all in an attempt to save what little energy and immune system I have left.
Let's face it, Hermann destroyed me.
I am pretty sure I still have mud and worm guts in my lungs.
That being said, I'd do it again. I'm that much of an asshole.
My lungs are tanked.
Soooooo, before this race, I discussed with Dr. Tim all that was going on.
I discussed it with Dan, my coach.
We agreed that I would take asthma medication prior to the race to clear me up, as well as Tim's bottle of natural magic, before and after the race.
I was obedient.
I wore my wind vest.
I wore arm warmers.
I did not eat anything that would/could screw up my stomach...
I rode some hills to warm up and clear my head.
I rode up to the line.
Jay kissed me and blew kisses to all the other racers.
(What a man whore!)
I heard Buddy talk but it was a blur.
The whistle blew and we were off.
Immediate descent into a tricky right that immediately ascended.
It wasn't the climb, but the turn that wigged me.
I don't wig on turns.
I like turns.
Two things:
- I didn't trust/know my front wheel well enough. (Dammit!)
- I fear wrecking on my right side.
The former is something that I knew and something that Jay and I have discussed. You have to trust your wheels.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with my wheels and I have ridden them before...on my time trial bike. They have never both been on Trent.
I hesitated on that turn...
...which meant I had to work harder on the ascent.
I was fine and still in a good position, but less comfortable.
The back side of the course was a DREAM!
Perfect for recovery and speed.
We were all together as we came around and stayed that way until the 3rd lap or so (I think) when Kate turned it up on the back side of the course.
Here we go!
Initially, I went with her and Alice.
My lungs didn't think that was a good idea, so they stabbed me.
I flipped my lungs off and climbed up the hill past the Start/Finish.
I heard Jay yelling at me to keep it steady.
He was right.
That was my goal for the rice.
Don't burn out. Don't kill yourself.
I hated that hill and loved the descent...but I still didn't get comfortable with that first turn.
It (me) slowed me down EVERY lap.
I stopped looking at my Garmin halfway through the race.
The poor volunteers at the top of the hill after that turn looked afraid that I was going to cry/faint/die each lap.
At some point they stopped encouraging me to hang in there, but I think that's because they were afraid that the sound of their voices would scare the shit out of me and send me into cardiac arrest.
Coincidentally, I think they stopped after I rolled to the side with 3 laps to go and almost puked...
I kept it in...but know I made a strange and scary sound as I rolled away in a sad attempt to finish strong.
I could still see Holli up ahead and considered catching her and really suffering or using this race in the way in which I had originally intended.
Jay kept me grounded each lap and I stayed steady.
I heard Carrie and Chris and the rest of the Team Rev clan cheering us on.
It made me smile.
They're calling my name!
I'm still in it!
I saw Teresa at the top of the climb and she cheered me on.
"I'm winning!" I told her with a smirk.
I didn't feel particularly strong...or weak...I just knew that the pain was almost over.
As a completed my last lap, I thanked Hannah for cheering me on the entire race and knew it was time to turn it up for another 40 seconds of pain.
I dug a little deeper and took the last turn into the final climb and proved to myself that I was not done.
Jay is there at the Finish.
He knows.
He knows I'm in pain. He knows I'm not done.
I go ride. Alone.
I try to breathe.
I cool down and finally, it comes.
The tears and the vomit...in the Baptist church parking lot.
I hugged the grass and shivered and let my body fall apart.
It was glorious!
Fuck it. Like it or not, I'm a racer.
Later that night, I sat at the dinner table outside with Jay and The Sass and had a yummy meal and some much earned red wine and finally got my piece of chocolate.
All was right with the world.
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