She's Just NOT That Into You

Raquel and I were at one of our favorite wine spots last night.

We had some time before other members of our party joined us, so we discussed business and life all the while sipping a bit less than slowly.

Needless to say, by the time that our various parties had come and gone and we were seated with two male acquaintances, we were more than giddy and relaxed.

Having talked sex and relationships all night, this poor guy knew not what he was walking into by joining in.

The topic had turned to blow jobs. And where Raquel and I were discussing our various opinions and how common it is that women just don't do it, Glen adds that he feels no need to perform cunnilingus on a chick if she's not going to blow him.

(Awwwww, right at this point you can tell just how precious I think Glen is, yes?)

"So Glen what you're saying is that you inflict revenge on your sex partner in the form of withholding if you don't get what you want? Isn't that a bit of a temper tantrum?"

He is already defensive because I apparently said something that made him feel fat while discussing a former runner now huge alcoholic who clearly has some liver damage in that swollen gut of his. Glen looks nothing like that dude, but in his mind I guess he does. He mentioned that he was a "performance athlete" no less than 5 times.

I feel that that is much like with "that one brand of Christians"...if you have to say it a bunch out loud to people, it probably isn't true.

Eh-hem.

So Glen wants to defend his sexual tantrum and says, "No. I mean when you've had sex with the girl like 7 or 8 times and she won't blow you, that's just wrong."

I responded with, "She probably was just not that into you."

He blinks.

I know he is wondering if I really just said that out loud.

I did.

I can see the wounded look on his less-than-precious face and I continue.

"Glen, that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. It just means that maybe that one girl wasn't as into you as you were into her."

He says, "I mean we were dating for a few weeks. It's not like I was in love with her."

"Right. And maybe she reserves blow jobs for when she is more comfortable with someone."

He looks at me like that is just the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard. All I can think is how the conversation with the girl regarding the lack of blow jobs may have gone with Glen.

I shiver.

"Glen, the thing is that when a chick is into you and wants a deep intimate relationship with you, she will do the things that make you happy. If she doesn't, she just isn't that into you..."

"Great. So first you make me feel fat and now I am unwanted. Thanks." He pouts.

"Glen, it's ONE girl. Who cares if ONE girl isn't into you? You said you weren't in love with her. And I didn't make you feel fat. I wasn't even talking about you and you don't look like that dude."

Jeezus! And guys say that us chicks are difficult?!?!

Fucking whiner.

I don't like blow jobs. In general, I don't do them. In general, I'm just not into that many dudes enough to sleep with them, let alone blow them.

However when you are into someone...really into someone, you do things that will bring them pleasure. You learn what they like. You don't revenge fuck them and punish them for what they are not doing to you. Where the hell is the communication?

...and honestly, Glen is no prize. He is a man who NEEDS to learn and DO what a woman wants in the sack. He needs to put her cookie in his mouth if not just to shut him up.

Ughhh...

I didn't even want to address the wookie bush topic with him. I thought he might cry.

In the end, Raquel and I left Mr. Weepy-Purple-Stained-Teeth-No-Blow-Job to cry into his vino as we giggled our way to the car discussing our fondness for vibrators and how they don't talk.

Wookie Pits

OK, so I started to write a piece on females with hairy armpits, after a pre-dinner discussion I had last night. Little did I know (but quickly discovered) that there is a whole underworld of armpit hair fetish out there!

Whooda thunk it?

I was just going to find a pic for the story and "POOOOOF!" there's all this armpit hair fetish nonsense.

I cracked up.

The women that I know who do not shave their pits (or legs...or bush) sure as shit don't do it for fetish purposes. They are against the ridiculous marketing in American culture that insisted that visible hair on women was not only unsightly, but a curse. There was even a 1982 article from the Journal of American Culture by Christine Hope titled "Caucasian Female Body Hair and American Culture." Since it was males making these claims and males seemed to rule everything at the time of the original female shaving movement (1915), these modern women went against the grain and stopped shaving.

It had become something that was specifically attached to male attraction, so they tossed it out the window.

And they were grounded in their reasoning...yet that was here in America. In many other cultures around the world, women do not shave. And in some cultures it is just downright sexy for a woman to be hairy.

hmmmm...

Now, that would never work for me personally, because I don't like hairy people. Male or female. Then again, I had a crush on Mr. Clean when I was 4, so there's that...

I don't think pit hair is sexy. I do not think armpit hair, regardless of gender, belongs in pictures or marketing pieces and wish to dog that dudes would shave their friggin' pits too. They're effing stinky or clumped with balls of antiperspirant/deodorant.

YUCK!

So in looking this all up, I even came across some people who are outraged by those who shave or like shaved "stuff". Apparently, according to one dip shit, we are "no better than pedophiles".

*GASP!*

Now seriously, I won't rail on someone who doesn't shave, so long as I don't have to fuck it and it isn't serving my food (which is what came up during the pre-dinner discussion). But I think it's a bit out there to say that those who shave their hoo-has are no better than pedophiles.

Seriously, have you ever been in the middle of receiving some mind-blowing cunnilingus and about to climax and have your partner stop to remove a pube from their mouth? Yeah. That can suck and truly fuck up the flow.

*snickers*

Let me say that a family member of mine has embraced this not shaving thing. YEARS ago. She loves to taunt me with her hairy pits and legs, but she doesn't wave that shit over my food.

When I left my husband, I got rid of the bimmer, got a Jeep, chopped off my hair and started climbing again. My friends were worried. I said, "If I stop shaving my pits and get like 27 cats, be worried."

This is the deal; a man can't serve food wearing a tank top because of those pit hairs, so why should a chick be able to? She is allowed to wear a tank because it is assumed that chicks shave their pits. Now, having worked there for a while, you KNOW that management knows that she is a non-shaver. Why can they not discuss this covering of the pit hair issue with her?

Now mind you, this place doesn't require that the employees wear hair nets or anything, but I would be far more grossed out by a pit hair in my hummus than a scalp hair. (Though for the record, both are gross.)

We are all different. Some of us shave and some of us do not, but life is not an Arrid Extra Dry® commercial. Put your frickin' arms down already!