For You to See Me

For you to see me, I have taken drugs that mask the pain to allow you to focus on my eyes and the love and laughter that live there.

For you to see me, those drugs need to go away, as my body now relies on them to get through it instead of getting stronger.

For you to see me, I do things to my body that I shouldn't...because I am alive!

For you to see me, I have to limit that more and let myself heal, but I need you to remember that I am alive.

For you to see me, I need you to hold those images and my laughter in your head during those moments when I am curled into a ball and crying in pain or you are holding my hair as I get sick.

For you to see me, I need you know that no matter the pain, I will get up. I have to. No matter how stupid or selfish it seems to you.

For you to see me, I need you to see the pain but see past it to the girl inside who is laughing and just waiting for that gasp of air to crack another joke.

For you to see me, you must know that the joke will always come. The smile. The giggle. It's all there.

For you to see me, I need you to know that I can weather any storm, and have and some days you are going to have to believe in that.

For you to see me, I need you to lean on me a little bit so that you can rest and stay strong too.

For you to see me, I need you to see that it relaxes me to make things better and easier for you, even if that's not what you think you need.

For you to see me, I need you to allow me to protect you to a point because in doing so, it helps me.

For you to see me, I need you to understand that for me, as hectic as you think it is, I need to cram it all into a day.

For you to see me, I need you to see that I see you and all of your fears, concern and love. I hear you and I understand all that you are feeling.

For you to see me, I need you to believe that I am stronger than this and that I am not today or any day soon giving up this battle and I will beat it.

On the day that I don't, I need you to remember that I tried my ass off...and see me for that.