Message From a Previously Dead Vajayjay

OK, so let me start by saying that I went to a "slumber party" Saturday night.

It was fun and fantastic and the host was a bit brilliant by planning a mixed after-party...just in case any now-horny gals wanted to rub all up on some very lucky fellas. (OK, that didn't happen.)

(Sucks for one of the dudes that he is always an obnoxious ass who thinks he is witty when really he is more douche than duke.)

...and ummm, he is also not pretty enough to be such the aforementioned obnoxious ass/douche. I think he killed the horn-buzz that many of us had, as we had previously sampled some magical balm that made everyone of us squeal (yes squeal) with absolute delight and then immediately select the product on our order forms.

Each lovely lady had skeptically gone into the ladies and sampled their flavor of choice of x-scream.

X-scream is fabulous flavored arousal balm. (It says so right on the cute little jar!)

As I am not easily aroused, I raised an eyebrow... (I do this a lot, yes?)

...until Raquel came screaming out of the bathroom.

*thinks in head, "Holy Shit! Did her hoo-ha catch on fire?!?!"*

Then I see she is giggling and bouncing and squealing!

The next lady comes out much the same...

*stares of open-mouthed amazement all around*

Then Maddy comes out of the bathroom. Tiny, adorable, un-shy. She says nothing but has a knowing look in her eye. She quietly sits down and makes her selection.

I jump up to try it!

I go in and use my sample of mint chocolate chip.

I feel nothing.

*crap!*

I must really be dead on the inside after all!

I zip up and wash my hands.

*sighs*

Then...

...just as I turn the doorknob...

I feel heat...

...and tingling...

...and heat...

...and coolness...

...and tingling...

Oh my!

It was like those freaks in the old York Peppermint Patty commercials!

I was beyond happy!

I bit my lip and tried not to look happy. (I was H-A-P-P-Y!)

Holy Trixie on a Triscuit!

Oh yes! Mama must have!

So, I get my little jar o'fun and wear a secret smile all night...

...and a little the next day too just knowing it is in my purse.

The idea was to wear a bit at the office.

I couldn't wait for Monday morning!

I get ready for work and dab a bit on and off I go...traffic be damned!

It hits me before I am even down the stairs.

I wiggled my ass all the way to the office...

About halfway there I am trying to mentally will it to stop because at some point soon, I will need to walk...normally.

I do some yoga breathing and my hoo-ha flips me off.

*bleep bleepity bleep bleep!*

I get into the office and go right to my desk.

Thankfully, my boss is busy, so I set up and then run to the ladies.

Let me say, I am thankful that there are private bathrooms here!

I swear to dog that I flicked my bean more before 10am yesterday than I have all year...and possibly 2007 too!

Between the wiggling in my seat and the constant runs to the restroom, my boss must have thought I had the runs or a UTI. Jeeezus!

Later I had to run a company errand so I hopped in my boss' Escalade EXT, cranked the music and rubbed one out...

That done, I washed it off and went about my day...but there were lingering effects...

I was aroused all damn day!

...and quite a bit happy!

So fellas, if your wife or GF has stopped putting out and you are CERTAIN that it is not your fat ass or wookie bush (or the fact that you are a complete tool) that has created such a lack of arousal from her, get her some of this cream and she will go friggin' ape shit!