He stood before me in his ripped black concert t-shirt, belly protruding and told me about his Christmas.Told me that he had been surprised with the unexpected gift of like a gazillion DVDs.
"It's so cool!" He said, "I had just been thinking to myself that I needed to find another hobby...other than drinking."
I looked at him awaiting to hear of the new and exciting hobby...
I waited for it...
...waited for it...
*hears 'click' sound off in the distance of feverish brain*
Ahhhhh, the new hobby is sitting around and watching DVDs!
Of course!
I can see it now...
...the uproar of women fighting and trampling to get to this man...
...putting on their Wonderbras and LipFusion and best pair of "fuck me" pumps and thigh-highs...
...gushing about his profile deets to their mothers, sisters and co-workers...
"Did you see this one, Barb?!?"
*Imaginary Barb swivels around in her imaginary office chair and awaits the exciting info with baited breath*
"OY! Such a chick magnet this one! ...His hobbies include wearing ripped t-shirts in the work place, drinking to unconsciousness and watching DVDs on his mom's couch!!! ...ANNNNND he has TWO super sweet copies of 'Superbad'!!! OH! What a catch!!"
*Imaginary Barb falls off her chair and smacks her head on her cubicle desk structure*
The imaginary concussion Imaginary Barb suffered was a relief from listening to the tragic details of Mr. Lumpy's offerings.
The very real Cory smiles sweetly at Mr. Lumpy and hopes the best for him, but imagines in her head his future life of coronary disease, 12 Step programs and several findings and subsequent losings of Jesus.
...then she thinks...
Holy crap! I know the perfect train wreck.....I mean...errrrr...chick for him!
*giggles evil little laugh and goes about her day*
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