The Lazy Indifference of a Would-Be Stalker

I have been pondering lately whether I am lazy or just completely indifferent to certain things.

I guess the fact that I am now writing about it may point to a lack of laziness, but truth be known, I am sitting on my keister as I type this. (Though I am told that that is quite common and in most cases, preferred.)

I mean, who types in Tree Pose or Downward Facing Dog? (That would be a real bitch to accomplish.) I'm just saying. What? It would.

Anyway, back to my original point. I often do not know the changes that my friends have made to their MySpace pages. I often do not know which friends they have on their friend list. I often do not know if someone has replied to a comment I have left on a blog. I often don't read pages of people I see or who friend request me. I read their emails and that's pretty much it. Sometimes I look at their pics. Sometimes I "steal" their pics if we were all at the same event. (I seem to have gotten lazy about taking pictures. And honestly there are usually 5 cameras at any given event. Who needs another?)

Mostly my curiosity on the topic of lazy v. indifference is specific to men and dating.

*yawns*

Here's how it started...or at least how I started to figure it out...

A friend is moving from Hotlanta to Chicago. I love Chicago. It is pretty close to me and I go there quarterly. It is as close to my hometown of NYC that I can get at the moment. It's a bit like "NYC Lite". So of course I was excited by having another excuse to go up there. Something was mentioned about the yummy males of the city and I made a joke by saying, "...Ughhhh...I LOVE Chicago men! I can't wait until you move there so that I have another reason to stalk...errrr...I mean visit them..."

Then it hit me.

Dammit. I wish I had the energy to stalk. Or the interest.

I tried to think back to a time that any person had held my attention enough for me to want to find out anything about them.

I searched my mind...

I looked at my Google history...

(This gets scary...)

...Longview Farm Park...

...images for "manginas"...

...Sarah Silverman...

...800 pound gorilla...

...Alessandra Ambrosio...

...area code 208...

You get the point, yes?

Very sad.

Why do I not care enough to stalk?

I think men are hot.

I think they are sexy.

Why do I yawn about it more than not?

I met a nice guy on Saturday. We exchanged numbers. He called me 4 times in 6 hours. I have put zero effort into pursuing that. I don't know why. He is cute. He has a dog, a bike, and a kayak. He has his dog's pic on his phone. This makes me happy. He photographs well. Yet, I yawn, stretch and do nothing.

Am I really this bored by people?

A cute guy who is a friend of a friend sent me a friend request. He is balanced and sweet and lives in Colorado and rides a bike.

*yawns*

I am not actually yawning at him. Those things actually all appeal to me. Yet I have made zero effort in communicating with him.

Zero.

I know I am shy around the opposite sex sometimes, but come on. Gimme a friggin' break.

I literally almost never flirt anymore and actually come across a guy that I am attracted to in person very rarely. So far this year I have been physically attracted to TWO (yes the number 2) males who were non-celebrities.

One of those physical attractions got quickly watered down and flat out extinguished by the fact that the dude drove a red Porsche Boxster (yuck) and fucked a friend (now former-friend) of mine.

The other was the guy I met Saturday.

When I consider it, I realize it really wasn't a physical attraction. It was more rounded. I've gone back and looked at the photo he took of us. He's cute. The bike, dog, and kayak made him smokin'. Much like when a hot guy opens his mouth and is a complete assclown and is rendered immediately "un-hot", this guy was made hot by the other factors.

Be that as it may, I still have done nothing. Nothing.

Have I been brainwashed by Greg Behrendt?

Or am I a fan of Greg Behrendt because his philosophy has long been mine?

I just do not pursue men.

Period.

I rarely get giggly.

I assume that if the dude likes me, he'll let me know.

Women who stalk men are oft called psychos, bunny-boilers and loons, yet is there something wrong with me for having no inclination to stalk?

Why am I so disinterested in these men?

I explored whether it is possible I switched teams and no, I have not. (Much to the displeasure of my aunt who was hoping that I too would put on the Beaver Liquors team jersey.)

Nope.

Am I just bored of the game?

Fed up and discouraged by the ridiculousness of it all?

What does that mean?

Why do they all seem so very similar?

Are they?

Are these not the same men that I was once attracted to?

Does it mean that I have decided that I don't like them or that I simply could care less?

I want to be attracted to a man to the point where my stomach turns and I feel nauseous.

Instead, I feel nothing.

Not even a slight rumbling of gas.

I want to blush and sweat and giggle.

I want to be nervous.

I want to get goose-bumps.

Not that I want to be Kim Nowak and slap on some diapers and drive cross country for some dude who is just not into me, but I would love to feel passionately about maybe going to dinner and having a glass of wine perhaps.