When You Find You, Come Get an Ass Kickin'...

I'm generally an optimist...OK, more of a realist, but when I hear cry baby songs on free radio like this mess that David Cook has just released, I want to vomit and then punch his mother for having him neutered.

He sings, "When you find you, come back to me..."

Really?

Seriously?

And men say that women are nuts?

Dude, man up.

Likely your semi-psycho girlfriend gave you the "It's not you, it's me" speech and you didn't see it for what it was.

...or...

You caught her doing your best friend and in a last minute attempt to keep you from slitting your wrist, she told you that she was confused and "lost" and being the whipped assclown that you are, you bought it.

Honestly, I realize that true love does exist, but this scenario isn't it.

What kind of nutless candyass waits around for some unbalanced cuckoo (who likely has 3 or more cats) to "find" herself?

She isn't leaving to find herself, bro. She is leaving because she has likely gone out of her ever loving mind from you serenading her with that sappy ear poison you call music as soon as she walks through the door from a long day at a real job.

Likely she is tired of your whiny neediness and simply wants you to throw her on the bed and ride her like a Pinarello.

You're going to "keep your things right where you left them...I'll be here for you..."

Yeah.

OK.

You may just be nuttier than she is.

Some dude tells me he's keeping my stuff like a shrine and I assure you, I'm moving to another state.

Your friends won't tell you this, David because they are all afraid to hurt your "sensitive" feelings while you are in this "fragile" state, but I'm here for you.

...but, ummmm...do NOT come back to me. I'm all stocked up on cuckoo.

However, I heard Daughtry just dumped his bitch and needs a new one...